More cat vids

I'ma Shoot you up cat!

This has to be the coolest cat in the history of the universe. 

Cat fakin death

Check it out, a cat fakin death

PT is back

Penelope's Excellent Timing returns after a long absence. 

Here's Japanese people playing soccer with binoculars on. Good times. 

More later...

Nothing like Exam Time

Us here at Explodicon persue the education and knowledge in universities and colleges in order to bring you daily doses of awesome. It's now exam time and all of us are now freaking out, bringing guns to class, and shoving our faces with study food while we proffesionally procrastinate. Good luck to everyone!

He's a Cat Flushing A Toilet

Here we are with another Youtube Video Music Spoof! Hamster on a piano, and now cat's flushin a toilet? Who doesn't love this things, you know when all they do is ask for food, and sleep all day long. Who trains these animals. Honostly if I could train my cat a new trick, instead of flushing the toilet, it would probably be to not lick my face and meow all the time and actually let me sleep at 4:30am.

This S**t is pretty healthy

Because we at explodicon are all about promoting healthy food products, here is an informative link on amazing produce and products. As your church nun would say, HOLY PUCKING GOLFBALLS, you will look at these aidvertisments and laugh at them everyday.


http://www.aidsvertising.com/
(For all you parenting smart kids out there, make sure your family word filter is turned on)

Insane Dog

You thought your dog was crazy/stupid. Well you were 100% wrong check the link below for the weirdest dog ever. Pretty sure it sounds like a sheep on crack. Hmm... maybe the owner simply gave it crack. So yeah make sure that if you have a crack obsession keep that junk away from your dog.

http://wimp.com/insanedog/

Vending Machines

Have you ever wanted something but realized that all the stores were closed? Well in that case I suggest you move to Japan because you can get everything in a freaking vending machine there.

Umbrella? Check
Cigarettes? Check
Lingerie? (wtfudge?) check
Magazines? Check
Toilet paper? Check
and finally everything you normally get from a vending machine.

Seriously this junk is 100% real in Japan. Check the link below for more crazy junk you can buy.

http://www.darkroastedblend.com/2007/09/vending-machines-craze-in-japan.html

Real life pie chart

Behold a real life pie chart!

Stocks

So today i am gona talk to you about stocks, well not really. So now that Obama is in power the economy is slowly gona get better and from that you can feel confident and gamble away your house, all your life savings and your firstborn child into the stock market just to make a killing. Here are some tips for a 3% chance of successdom. 

1) Get 20k, this can be done by stealing, borrowing from the Mafia (highly reccomended), asking your parents, getting a loan from the goverment for "school", mugging an old lady (cause they always carry huge wads of cash on them due to their lack of belief in the banking system. 

2) Call up some stock broker, if you wana be cheap go online and look for trading sites, if you don't have a brain call up some dude on wallstreet to do all the thinking for you

3) Pick some companies to invest in, I suggest: Enron, WorldCom, AIG, trust me they still exist you just have to look hard enough, they sell for ultra low so by investing in them you will make a killing guaranteed (cough). 

4) Sell your stocks the moment they gain atleast a dollar in value

5) repeat steps 3-4 multiple times

6) ??????

7) Profit and or insta bum, if you make a killing you will be seen as the next prodigy (only if you are between 10-30) otherwise you will be seen as some generic rich guy no one likes. With this new found fame you can do whatever you want and get on the road to dictatorship, err....to achieving your dreams like going to mars and beating down some aliens. If you don't make it big you will simply lose all your money along with your wife and kids and end up becoming a bum. 

So yeah gather all your cash and buy online or call up some brokers and start investing now, because you will never get rich unless you take a risk. 

I'm gona throw the word stocks in here like 20 more times to try and convince you to invest. 

This is what stocks do: 

Stocks make you rich
stocks make you happy
stocks get you hoes
stocks get you cars
stocks get you cash

stocks get you stocks

stocks get you dividends (not like any normal person cares about these)

stocks get you mad

stocks make you beat your wife
stocks are the reason you got a divorce
stocks are the reasons your parents hate you

stocks are the reason you might be checking this blog

stocks are the key to your future

and finally stocks are the reason the corporate world exists. 

Portal on paper!?

If you had one of these babies you could definitely have whatever you want. However, pretty sure karma would drop kick you in the face the moment you do anything bad like the dude above. So remember kids if you ever find a portal black hole thing don't get TOO greedy (a little stealing here and there is still ok). Also in such cases make sure you donate 50% of your money to us because we gave you such an awesome tip. 

Promotions that are never right

Don't you just hate it when you see a very sweet promotional offer in the flyers. It seems like you are in money heaven, you get to buy whatever you want at a very cheap price, its probably the best feeling ever. Everything seems to go well till you get to the store and find out that the item you wanted does is not applicable for the promo. Some very annoying examples are:

• When ALL jeans are 50% off minus the ones you wanted
  
• When EVERYTHING in the store is buy one get one free but the one item you actually wanted isn't applicable
• When everything in the store is 50% off, but when you get there you realize its up to 50% off and when you try and bitch to the manager they point out the f'ing small ass stupid asterisk that only ants would be able to see. 

Check below for probably the worst promotion ever, in the history of uh...the universe. 

(Picture punked from http://failblog.org)

Nuff said? Fudge Naw

(Comeon how many presidents are this cool?)

Ok so with my Obama post earlier I wrote nuff said. Well i guess that wasn't nuff said. I'm gona take this space to explain how Obama has to be the coolest president (soon to be) ever. First of all look at the picture above, that just shows how chill and cool Obama is. On top of that, apparently some 8 year old girl sent Obama a letter, in the letter was a reccomendation of a dog he should get for his two daughters, along with some other things. Well guess what, Obama actually mailed her back and give her a detailed response to everything she asked for and said, how many other people would even bother to reply back to the letter of a little girl? Probably none. 

I Know all the junk thrown on this blog is supposed to be funny and very entertaining, but our end goal is to ensure that the readers leave the blog feeling better about themselves through a laugh or something else. I want you guys to read the article below, hopefully it makes all the Obama haters chill the fudge out, and for the Obama supporters, feel that much better about their voting decision and feel confident that the future will be better than the past 8 years. 

Article: 

http://beta.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=413244

Women are ultra needy?! What, since when?

So we all know that women are ultra emotional, ultra demanding, ultra bitchy (sometimes), and ultra hot (sometimes), that is why men are so attracted to them, trust me it makes sense somehow. But sometimes they are just way over the top especially in this day and age, everytime you make any comment that actually relates to well...women they automatically assume you are sexist. Check the comic below for a very good example. 

Wtfudge is this, all i want is a women that can make me some grilled cheesed sammiches, I guess even that is too high of an expectation. Well all you guys out there looking for wives my tip to you is learn to cook and clean now cause new age women sure as hell will not do that, if you ask them to do such things be prepared to deal with being called a bigot along with some good ol' divorce settlements. 

Serious Business: 2008

Nuff said

The hobo dictionary

Ever wonder what kind of different hobos there are? You have? K good. Check the link below for some awesome knowledge on hobos. Make sure you memorize it all if you plan on striving as a hobo err....plan on living in a large city, and if you already live there you can go out and point out all the different types to your friends on your next outing making you skyrocket your way to the top of the social hierarchy and the target of envy by everyone within a 300 mile radius. 

http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1764005

Across the globe

Now that picture truly shows the state of the world. Poor people in Africa :(

The aftermath of a tiger attack, at a f'ing zoo

*****Be warned there are a lot of swears in them thar video, your 3 year old mind may not be able to handle all them swears****

 So yeah after watching the video don't try coming after explodicon and trying to sue us because your 10 year old childs mind was corrupted by the site. Aftertall that is the goal of the website i mean *cough* its to provide clean homesome entertainment. 

(clean version below :( ) 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6WAJHIc1Ws&feature=featured

Voting

K i'm gona get kinda serious for this post. So the elections are a few days away and I know some of you lazy ass mofos have not registered to vote or have done anything other then browse the web and play vidge games. Hmm...I really suck at this whole thing so i'm gona let the youtube video explain the rest to you.  (It's Serious AND FUNNY)

Hamster on a piano?!

Cutest thing ever? Yeah, probably.

That dude doesn't take shi7 from anyone. This is why everyone should have a hamster (including those people allergic to them).

Some freaking changes

Ok so we finally updated the messed up header (aka the banner thing at the top of the page) i'm kinda having second doubts about this one so tell me which one you like out of the following: 

Halloween 2008

Happy Halloween dudes and duddettes!

You guys probably had a lot of fun today, but i'm gona take a strong guess and say that your workplace was probably kinda like this: 

Piracy

Yo yo so its halloween today and many of you will probably end up watching a horror movie with your friends, and there is probably a 80% chance that the movie is brought over by your friend that just so happens to own every movie in the world. Well guess what kids, that dude you know, he probably downloads those movies! So i'm gona get right into it and explain why movie piracy, as well as other types of piracy is wrong and is directly responsible for the deaths of baby pandas and other cuddly animals you like. Be prepared to read a long ass post about the law and you!

Psych, fudge that junk!

Instead i am gona put this video in, lets ask Bender from Futurama some questions regarding stealing

What NOT to wear for halloween

Ok so halloween is like 2 days away and 50 bucks says that the majority of you have not found a costume, and will probably end up wearing:

 a) a garbage bag and be a f'ing lame ghost thing
 b) ripped clothes and be a hobo
 c) all black clothes and be a emo kid
 d) your normal clothes and be your lame ass normal self
 e) a pillow case over your head along with a white bedsheet (not explaining this)

 f) vampire teeth (seriously if you do this, you might as well jump into a pile of snow, and or freezer  and just freeze yourself and wait around till vampire teeth are cool again [aka never]. 

 g) lame ass mask from dollar store of choice
 

Here are some more costumes you should not wear: 

http://www.cracked.com/article_16727_20-costumes-that-will-earn-you-halloween-beating.html

I seriously reccomend not wearing any of the junk posted above it's guaranteed to ruin everyones fun and as a direct result you will lose your girlfriend/boyfriend along with all your friends (Including your online friends). 

How to get dressed as a college student.

Have you ever had one of those days, where you just didn't know what to wear? Here is a guide detailing how you should carry out a dialy routine.. Now getting dressed is as easy as following the lines!

Watchu Sayin?: Nard

In this weeks edition of Watchu Sayin, i'm gona introduce a new take on the word nerd. Aka nard.

So what the bitch is a nard?

Nerd + retard (not in the handicapped sense) = Nard

These aren't just your typical nerds, they are like 9000x worse, they annoy the crap out of you way more, and during any convo they talk about D&D the whole freaking time. They pretend that the world is exactly like (Place RPG name here).

So nerds are normally smart and pretty lame right? Right, well nards are not smart at all, and did I mention they are f'ing annoying? These guys try to be smart, but fail ultra hard because bs stuff like d&d gets involved.

So what about geeks, are they kinda like geeks? HELL NO, geeks know stuff about technology and are decent at that junk (some of them), nards can't ever be seen with such things. At this point you may be wondering how so many nards play WoW, well here's how they pull that off, you know those Geeksquad people, and the dudes at BestBuy, the nards get their help in setting up their computers. So yeah there are people who use those services.

Anyways, remember stay away from nards cause there is no benefits of being acquainted with them.

**By the way just a tip, if you ever want to freak out / piss off a nard, just hit em up on msn/aim/chat program of choice and send them a .jpeg picture, or hell any picture. 100% chance that they will think that a keylogger or virus is involved, and they may threaten to call the cops on you, but don't worry you won't go to jail because you aren't doing anything harmfull :D. **

Maybe Jesus is a better Cleric?

This is what happens when you let nards into your Christmas thing. Be warned there is lots of junk you probably don't understand in this video, I sure as hell didn't understand like any of it. But it was still funny to see nards duke it out.

BAM! In the big leagues now

We are back again with some exciting freaking news! We have just received our 1000th unique visitor, so we in da big leagues now boys. On top of that we just obtained the domain WWW.EXPLODICON.COM to prove that we in da big leagues, now rather than grueling yourself to type in .blogspot.com you can just skip that shi7 and go straight to explodicon.com. 

We would like to thank all our readers for reading our junk, and hope to reach the next stage of internet evolution stat. 

The picture above shows our transformation from when we first started to now.

YouTube like you've never seen it before

http://www.youtube.com/experiencewii

Not even gona explain this one, just check out the video.

Internet Party

Ever wonder what the top sites on the internet would be like as people? No? The hell is wrong with you, anyways for those of you that care click the link below and be prepared to watch the funniest thing ever. 

http://www.cracked.com/article_15825_internet-party-what-happens-when-googles-parents-leave-town-for-weekend.html

How dating really works

Ever wonder how dating really works? What!? Never been on a date? Well don't worry we got you covered.

Here are the 8 phases of dating: 

http://mingle2.com/dating/phases

So yeah...turns out amazing as hell then can end up terribad. So you've been warned, don't blame explodicon if your relationships never work out!

How to determine how big of a douchebag you are

Step 1: Look at above picture

Step 2: Figure out what types of t-shirts you mostly wear

Step 3: ???
Step 4: Profit

How to determine where to sit in class

Step 1: Look at above picture
Step 2: Look at the equation in picture

Step 3: ????
Step 4: Profit

Keeping it real with Ol Man Jenkinz: Stocks

Hello Kids. I am still alive! so stop ringing my doorbell, you darn kids keep distratcting me from watching Grey's Anatomy(Finally found season one on VHS)! Don't hate cause I watch that show, I happen to like it very much, I always wanted to be a doctor when I was younger, but thanks to my parents always lying about stuff I decided to change my mind one day. 

Anyways, it's fall now, so it's f'ing cold out now. I don't even feel like walking out to feed the pigeons anymore. So I just sit in mah living room and watch television all day now. 

One day I was watching CNN and all they could talk about was some companies going bankrupt, and the stock market crashing, and everyone freaking out. I tuned in to CNN to stare at the gorgeous anchors not to see some garbage news about something i don't care about. What the hell is wrong with you kids now a days. You put all your hard earned (or not) cash into stocks, then when they drop you go out and cry and threaten to sue the companies. You should know that when you are putting your money into stocks, its not really going them, it is going straight into the pockets of the greedy bastards that run those companies. I remember one time my friend bought a share straight from a broker, the CEO happened to be right there, the money that my friend gave up suddenly left his hand and magically flew into the CEO's pocket. I really saw this happen for real!

So remember kids don't invest in the stockmarket, use that money to buy your kids some god damn proper clothing. I am sick of seeing all them kids with skulls and crosses on their t-shirts. 

Don't even put that money in the bank! Cause they be stealing from you too. What i reccomend is take your cash and put it in the most safest place: under your matress. I been using this method since I was born and I never had any promblems. 

(don't say anything about the picture, I don't support the banks or CEOs, or any of them companies, SO I DO WHAT I WANT)

Watchu Sayin: lollers

Back with another edition of Watchu Sayin. You are probably all sick of saying the words we introduced over and over and are just craving for more new words to throw at your friends/parents. Well don't worry Jimmy we have your back!

The word of the day is: LOLLERS. 

This one may throw you off balance, cause you know what lol is, but what the garbage is the rest of the bs. Well its what makes it a full word and not an acronym. 
Here is some context in which the word is used. 

-Hey guy you see the new Adam Sandler movie? It was so lollers. 
-Man Jill was so lollers yesterday

-That picture posted above is so f'ing lollers (seriously check it out)

--You can simply replace the word lol with lollers too. It's pretty much like lolz, or lulz, which pretty much mean "laughs". 

So Lollers pretty much means funny. 

Objection!

Site update: No we haven't died, all our slaves er...authors are simply busy as hell with real life. Yeah we aren't supposed to have one(like every other blogger), but we do. Its a good thing we do, since it is the go to place to get material to write bs about on the blog. 

Anyways, Here again with another meme, this time a more recent one.
It's the objection! guy from phoenix wright. It is mostly used on forums to annoy the crap out of people (like many other memes). I'll explain how it works.


Guy 1: Hey guys did you check out the debate last night?
Guy 2: Yeah man I did, i think that mccain is a total douchebag and can't believe he is running for president.
Guy 3: [SOME RELEVANT POST]
Guy 4:

Guy 5: Wow thanks a lot dick..../ [SOME RELEVANT POST]

Guy 6: 

etc....

The picture is simply spamed over and over after every relevant post. Sometimes its constantly spamed. 

Go ahead and try it out, on your forum or choice, or msn/aol/yahoo/etc. We guarantee you that within 5 minutes you will be banned or blocked. But don't worry you will atleast make someone laugh, which makes it all worth it!

Watch this 100 times and you will still laugh.

I've watched this over and over. I still laugh every single time.

Things Destroying the Fabric of the Universe: PETA

Things Destroying the Fabric of the Universe is back at it again!  This time we'll be talking about PETA.  No not People Eating Tasty Animals which I support entirely.  I'm talking about the annoying group of animal lovers who do anything and everything just to get on the news, gross out the rest of us, and be annoying as hell.  Notice that all the people in the picture are white.  This leads me to believe that the crazy "need to create awareness" gene is somehow linked to the gene that causes people to be white.  Therefore I am warning all of you loyal Explodicon readers to avoid having kids with any family with a history of creating awareness freaks or it will no doubt affect your offspring annoying years to come - just like in the case of Queen Victoria and hemophilia.Getting back to PETA,  they're just so GODDAMN annoying.  They're constantly having awareness boners all over the place and subjecting us to the most retarded ideas ever.  Just look at this crap off to the right.  This comic is so ridiculously one-sided and biased, I can't do anything but shake my head everytime I look at it.  Then in recent news, PETA offered to give Ben and Jerry's human breast milk to use in their ice cream.  Also, the leader of PETA wants to be skinned and made into a purse - because I'm assuming she wants to have an awareness boner even when she's 6 feet under.  I only support one stance of PETA's which is . . . . . . . . 

Well at least PETA got one thing right.  I approve of naked hot chicks as much as the next guy and look forward to seeing more of these kind of protests near me soon.  

Serious Business: Elections

Not everything is fun and games here at Explodicon. Sometimes things like real life and free pizza grab our attention and we're unable to blog for a while. 

Today I came across an article in the London Free Press. Now I'm not sure if Free refers to freedom of the press or just the quality of the paper. Nonetheless it had a very interesting article splattered over the front. 

 Blizzards of promises, duelling ideologies, tricky platforms -- it's tough enough for an informed voter to make sense of election choices, but what if you're like one in five who can't even read or write?

Your voter card that comes in the mail contains 13 sets of written instructions alone -- a huge challenge for the 20 per cent of adults in many cities, including London-Middlesex, who can't read the directions on a simple medicine label.

Elections Canada is reaching out to those with low literacy skills -- that's about half of all Canadians, including those with only basic reading and writing skills -- before the Oct. 14 federal election.

Now I can't be the only person who has a problem with this. First off the paper is clearly manipulating statistics for drama. The first sentence misleads you into believing one in five Canadians are unable to read or write. That's a staggering number. Then the second sentence concedes that it's one in five adults who can't read or write. There's a difference. Adults who can't read or write English or French are mostly new immigrants, and therefore aren't eligable to vote anyways.  

Now that's not the problem. The problem is that, apparently people who can't understand what "take two pills every four hours as required" are voting and are therefore exerting their influence over the rest of us. Why are people who can't understand simple instructions in a postion to determine our futures in the first place? Inevitably someone will say it's a short step from taking these peoples' vote to only letting the elite vote to Canada becoming the Fourth Reich. If you were thinking that, not only are you an idiot, but you don't know your history either. 

Now if I were a pro-active hombre I'd do something about this. But I'm not. If a moron is elected this fall and everyone complains, I'll just sit back and smile. 

Things Destroying the Fabric of the Universe: Fat People Salads

Now I'm not bashing salads here or fat people.  I'm bashing the people who go out to restaurants with friends then say, "Oh, I'm on a diet so I think I'm going to have a Caeser salad."  Really now?  You plan to lose weight by pounding down a bowl of lettuce drenched in every sauce known to man, 3 different types of cheese, chicken, and croutons?  Well, good luck with that. Then there's the people who aren't food-savvy enough to make a caeser salad at home and just settle for a salad made with so much mayo and salad dressing, it looks like the aftermath of a splooge-fest.  Look at the images at the bottom of the page.  I don't know what the hell that crap looks like, but it sure doesn't look like food unless you happen to be reading this blog from a brothel or a prison.

Finally, there's a salad that fat people hold dear to their heart (which is going to explode soon).  This 2000 calorie salad boggles the human mind.  It even manages to use every food group known to man in greater quantities than what actually belongs in a salad.  This, my friends, is the taco salad.  Look at it in all its heart clogging glory!  Fat people will be sure to say, "But, Guacamole, it's a salad - It's GOTTA be healthy.  Look there's some leaves underneath the huge mound of ground beef - cheese conglomerate."  To that, I simply shake my head and die on the inside as sure enough they grab the salad dressing to add some sour cream to what's left of their salad.

Jesus? Forget that guy, Bring on RAPTOR JESUS!

Moving away from the You Tube memes, today Raptor Jesus Will be introduced. Before I explain him out i'm gona talk about memes a bit more. They don't just exist in You Tube form they can be pretty much anywhere on the intrawebz. I'm gonna throw the definition of memes out for you guys (should have been done in the first meme post).

Meme: Some bs thing that is normally spewed out by 12 year olds on popular internet hangouts, such as forums and You Tube, which gain a lot of attention and then 5 seconds later every other dumbass is saying it.

Anyways, back to raptor jesus. 50 bucks says that some kid simply cut a picture of a raptors head and pasted it on Jesus, then he went on some religous forum thread and said something along the lines of "LOLLLLLLLWTF JESUS IS SO LAME, RAPTOR JESUS IS WHERE ITS AT (random swearword)". Then John Mathison (some kid who got access to the computer because he was doing "research") saw the picture and fell out of his chair laughing. The two idiots got together and started spamming the picture of Raptor Jesus everywhere. Approximately 4 minutes later the forum was filled with nothing but pictures of Raptor Jesus.

Things Destroying the Fabric of the Universe: Bikers

Welcome to part 5 of Things Destroying the Fabric of the Universe.  Today we will talk about bikers!  Yeah those super fat guys who look like they're inches away from a stroke or heart attack with enough tatoo ink to fill a box of papermate pens.  I have no idea why these guys do what they do.  What I do know is they look ridiculous doing it.  Most of them drive on the shittiest motorbikes known to man with mufflers so loud they wake up poor malnourished chinese children in the next hemisphere.  Furthermore, most of them look like they wandered out of a viking re-enactment play with their bandanas and homeless-guy style beard.  If these guys wanted to be taken seriously as hard-core criminals they should consider investing in real merchandise like an upgrade to thier motorbikes. I bet if they were rolling on Ducati motorbikes in Armani suits while packing uzis people would actually take them seriously and not just roll their eyes when they pass the donut shop with 30 overweight bikers hobbling around like beached walruses.  Instead of "Oh there's gramps - he's kind of senile and we just like to let him out to play on his motorbike so he feels like he's still contributing to society and he thinks people still respect him.", people would go "Holy CRAP there's those crazy bikers - don't look them straight in the eye or they'll come over here with their super fast ducatis and rape us in the face!"  And if I see any bikers wearing Armani on Ducatis tomorrow, I'm definitely going to ask they at least digg this blog for jacking my ideas.

Stylin: Belts

Welcome back to another episode of stylin. Today we will bring up the second most important piece of clothing accessory thing; Belts. As Ol Man Jenkinz mentioned earlier kids now a days don't believe in wearing belts anymore. These kids need to grow up. Belts are the once accessory that you can get a billion trillion of and make different combos out of. For example you can take some random leather belt, buy a belt buckle from your store of choice and BAM its your own unique belt.

You also don't have to buy a "belt", because pretty much anything can me made into a belt. Here are some things that can be used as belts:

• Extension Cable
• Random cloth
• Guitar Strings (seriously dangerous)
• Medals
• Headphones
• Video Game controller
• and a gazzilion other things. 

The people who want to give off the most "unique" should choose to wear an extension cable, or similar cable. 
Those that want to look just plain "unique" should take a normal leather belt and add a belt buckle to it. 

Those that want to show the world that they are really rich should buy designer brand belts. Some popular brands of belts are: Armani, Dunhill, and D&G. 

Finally those that don't really care about falling in a certain group and want to rock the "plain" guy look should go get cloth belts, we reccomend lacoste brand belts for this. 

It doesn't really matter what type of belt you get, as long as you wear one. The belt doesn't even have to be visible, people will just know that you are wearing a belt. Sure you can go out and boast about your belt to get max exposure, but this may result in people a) ignoring you or b) point out that your zipper is down (resulting in max embarrasment). 

We here at explodicon hope you go out and try some of these new belt looks, we are pushing for the extension cable belt, we hear that it will be all the rage in 2009.

Explodicon Lexicon: STWB

Super Tan White Bitch (n.)

Only two of the girls in this picture are Black. The other two are STWBs. Can you guess who's who?

Definition: A STWB is a white girl that goes tanning far too much. There's nothing less attractive than these types of girls. First off, you're not black. Secondly, you're not black. Thirdly, you're not black. Fourthly, skin cancer. Okay, we get it. You want to rock that healthy tan look. But that doesn't look healthy at all. You want to get some 'diversity' in you. Why not date an Asian man instead?

Origins: If you've ever been forced to watch The Search for the Next Doll or Girlicious, you'll know where these people come from.

Famous STWB's: All of Girlicious, Pussycat Dolls, Danity Kane. Coincidentally (or not) these bands also have no talent. 

Keeping it real with Ol Man Jenkinz: Wearing Belts

(DO NOT EVER DRESS LIKE THIS KIDS)

Hello again internet fanatics, yesterday as I was surfing through my channels I came across a very peculiar sight. It was a couple of young african-american men whose pants were sagging below their behinds. At first I thought "oh my what unfortunate children, they cannot even afford a belt to properly wear their pants". But as i kept surfing I saw a similar sight once again, this time it was on an MTV (worst channel of all time) music video. At this point I got curious and decided to turn on my pentiac II and start browsing the intarnets. I came across many pictures of young men wearing their pants like this (shown above). NOW WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU WANT TO WEAR YOUR PANTS THAT LOW? Now back in my day, we never used to wear shorts as long sleeve pants.  I am outraged that these ragamuffins now a day keep their pants to purposely show off their undergarments. These kids spend half the time lifting up their pants as they walk down the street. Not only does this make them look poor but it also shows how stupid they are. 

I propose that the Canadian and American Government bring up a legislation so that kids are taught how to dress properly, this should be done at schools.  

Back in my day everyone actually spent time dressing themselves and getting cleaned up before they went outside. On the left is a perfectly dressed man. I remember having to wake up and being happy about taking a nice long shower followed by a nice 10 minute long combing session. After that I would go to my closet and choose a freshly ironed plaid shirt making sure to button it all the way to the top. Next I would go to my dresser and pick out some pants, then put a belt on. Finally I would grab some socks, shine my shoes and put them on. Voila the perfect ensemble. When I stepped outside my house everyone automatically saw how handsome I was, and I would get a minimum of 20 compliments a day. 

Anyways I think its about time I head to sleep, have to wake up early to feed the pigeons downtown. 

Implodicon Award: Lil Wayne

In stark contrast to our Explodicon Awards, which are a recognition of the pinnacle of human achievement, we have our Implodicon Awards. To win an Implodicon Award is to prove yourself the lowest of the low, what's left after the dregs, and most likely a rap artist. 

Congratulations, Lil Wayne. You've done the impossible and outdone 50 Cent as the worst rapper of all time and hereby given the first ever Implodicon award.

Let's take a look at some of your lyrics

"A millionaire, I'm a young money millionaire

Tougher than Nigerian hair
My criteria compared to your career just isn't fair
I'm a venereal disease
Like a menstrual—bleed"

Wow, where to start? You're tougher than Nigerian hair? Do you know what Nigerian hair looks like? PUBES! You're a venereal disease? Is that a metaphor for how popular you are?

"Cause I don't write shit, cause I ain't got time" 

I think you misspoke here. What you mean is "Cause I can't write for shit, cause I ain't got talent"

"Call me what you want bitch

Call me on my Sidekick
Never answer when it's private
Damn I hate a shy bitch
Don't you hate a shy bitch?
Yeah I ate a shy bitch
She ain't shy no more, she changed her name to my bitch
Yeah nigga, that's my bitch
So when she ask for the money when you through don't be surprised, bitch"

 I think the problem here is that you must have sleeped through a crucial lesson phonics class. You can't rhyme bitch with bitch. You could say "Damn I hate a shy bitch, my dick has got a nasty itch" See, that's because itch and bitch rhyme. Bitch and bitch don't rhyme. 

"And I be the shit, now you got loose bowels

I don't owe you like two vowels
But I would like for you to pay me by the hour"

You know what kind of people charge by the hour? Whores. 

This is all in addition to the constant repetition of A Millie over and over again in the background. I guess Lil Wayne couldn't hire Timbaland for some real beats. (Disclaimer: Explodicon does not approve of Timbaland or his beats. Timbaland is in fact a jackass)

Things Destroying the Fabric of the Universe: Arts Majors

Things Destroying the Fabric of the Universe is proud to present part 4 of things destroying the fabric of the universe.  Today we will be talking about Arts Majors.  Now I'm not talking about arts majors who get a degree in something useful like commerce or mathematics or anything even remotely geared toward getting a job in the real world.  I'm talking about the Women's Studies majors, the dance majors, and other variations of ways to go down in flames with your financial future.  I guess Arts majors didn't get the memo about the reasons why people go to university:

1. To get a job after university

2. To not be homeless after 4 years of schooling
3. To find an excuse to drink everyday

4. To enjoy what you're studying

Seem's like Arts majors totally missed steps 1 and 2 which are absolutely crucial.  No worries though, they'll have plenty of time for number 3 in the years to come.  Just look at all the viable career options for arts majors.  Well there's teaching your useless subject to future generations, there's becoming a lawyer, and there's using your creativity to make a sign asking for money.  Just look at the happy arts major off to the left!  Jokes aside, apart from Law there really isn't that much you can do with an art degree to make it worth the thousands of dollars in debt you undertake. The world is littered with video store clerks and cashiers with BA's not doing remotely related to their education.  Why noone has caught on to this and continue to get further into debt to "do what they love" is beyond me.  They'd be better off saving their money and avoiding a future of knock-off pepsi-cola and fried chicken.  

Indian Thriller

Today we dig up another meme for you, one that contains 100% indians combined with 300% funny. The music video is so cheesy that it will definitely make whatever beverage you are drinking come out your nose. The best part of the video has to be the english "translated" lyrics. Please note that its not an actual translation. 

Stylin: Dunks

At explodicon we believe that everyone should roll the streets in ultimate style. You may be thinking "How the crap do i achieve this style!?", well don't fret cause we will be teaching you exactly what to wear and how to wear it (if applicable).

Lesson #1, shoes. The most vital part of your style are your shoes, these sucks you gota wear everday so you have to make sure that what you have is the best on the block. We support Nike Dunks (not paid for by nike). At the moment our editors are rocking out in Purple Pigeons Dunks Sb(shown above). The purple pigeons were introduced in November 06, so they may be going for $200+, and are ultra hard to find. So if you see em' cop em'. Wearing these suckas will make you be the target of envy on your block and like 34 other blocks in the surrounding area, no one will even bother questioning the purple!

Thats all we got for today, check back some other time for more stylin tips

Explodicon Lexicon: Bonokkake

Bonokkake (n.)

Definition: To recieve (un)righteous indignation in liquid semen form all over the face.

Origin: Bono, an asshole who is pretentious enough to only have one name is, well known for his over the top philantrophy. In addition to giving the world the eleven worst songs of 2004, he is known for donating over 3 dollars of his personal money for AIDS research. If Bono truly cared about the world, he'd give all of his money to the needy, instead of petitioning you to give up yours. 

Usage: Ugh, Bono just Bonokakke'd all over my face. I think I'm going to use this towel made in a Malaysian sweatshop by 7 year old children to clean it up. 

Things Destroying the Fabric of the Universe: Hippies

Things Destroying the Fabric of the Universe is proud to present : Hippies - Treehugging failures at life.  I actually wouldn't have that much problem with hippies if they didn't try to force their opinions about the economy, the environment, and the evil EVIL! corporations on us all the time.  If I wanted to adapt your mantra of communing with the trees and saving the environment from the evil corporations that make everything we use as a society today, then I'd grab an Alladin vest, a guitar with a pot logo emblazoned on the center, and start building a tent made out of garbage bags!  Problem is - I kinda like living in a house with luxuries like walls and stuff . . . So I don't think i'm going to go for that.  

Just look at this commercial here by gigantic head honcho hippie David Suzuki. In this commercial, save-the-world man is changing some guy's lightbulb in favor of a flourescent bulb, and just after he does it kids put down their video games and go out to play hockey, some bullshit happy-go-lucky music comes on, the sun rises, and all pollution stops.  Maybe the reason people aren't installing these bulbs are because hmmm... I don't know - They don't feel like getting mercury poisoning??  Yeah a lot of people don't realize that if they break a flourescent bulb, mercury is going to be in their carpet and flooring which they're going to have to pay thousands of dollars to clean up.  Don't believe me?  Then go here and check it out for yourself.  Feel good everyday knowing that you're saving the environment a marginal cent every day, just don't think about the possibility your bulb might break costing you more than it ever would have saved you.

 

It's over 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wus goin on suckas yesterday we started talking about memes and gave you a small taste. Today we give you another one, more of you may recognize this one.

Keeping it real with Ol Man Jenkinz: Fauxhawks

Hello my young parsons it is I, Old man Jenkinz, or as the younglings like to call me Ol man Jenkinz. In my first column I will talk about all the new doodads in todays society. Today I will bring up Fauxhawks, now what kind of haircut is that!? For those of you who don't know fauxhawks look like: 

Now i'm confused as to why any of you hipsters would want to look like a rooster or any other bird. I for one will never get 

any haircut even remotely resembling this. If i wanted to look like a freak i'd walk down to the local costume shop and pick out something. 

Back in my day we had real haircuts, things like the bowl cut, a simple taper, the caesar, or the ultra popular businessman cut. Now those were the style, when you walked down the street everyone knew that you were a man and not some freak whose brain got replaced with that of a roosters. 

Enough with my ranting I think I am going to go and watch the history channel. 

Whatchu Sayin?: Bomb

Now that awesome is the most overused word in the history of the world we think its time for it to pass its crown. We here at explodicon have replaced the word with bomb.
Bomb can also replace words like:
cool
wicked
sick
sweet
To help you learn how to use the word we will use it in a non bias sentence. "Man explodicon is the most bomb blog I have ever seen."
Now that you have learned a new(ish) word go out there and start using it excessively and make this world a better place!

So you've been kidnapped...

and you've miracously escaped. You go to the local police station and they ask you to describe the suspect. You tell them he had real shifty eyes. He had a bad haircut. You happen to mention in passing that he was insanely ugly. Would the police sketch look like this? 

This sketch had me laughing uncontrollably for a good minute. Here's the story if you want to read it. It certainly looks like the kid is on the way to jail for making up bogus stories and wasting police resources. Not to mention on the way to internet infamy. 

UPDATE: The kidnapper has been found!