Keeping it real with Ol Man Jenkinz: Stocks

Hello Kids. I am still alive! so stop ringing my doorbell, you darn kids keep distratcting me from watching Grey's Anatomy(Finally found season one on VHS)! Don't hate cause I watch that show, I happen to like it very much, I always wanted to be a doctor when I was younger, but thanks to my parents always lying about stuff I decided to change my mind one day. 

Anyways, it's fall now, so it's f'ing cold out now. I don't even feel like walking out to feed the pigeons anymore. So I just sit in mah living room and watch television all day now. 

One day I was watching CNN and all they could talk about was some companies going bankrupt, and the stock market crashing, and everyone freaking out. I tuned in to CNN to stare at the gorgeous anchors not to see some garbage news about something i don't care about. What the hell is wrong with you kids now a days. You put all your hard earned (or not) cash into stocks, then when they drop you go out and cry and threaten to sue the companies. You should know that when you are putting your money into stocks, its not really going them, it is going straight into the pockets of the greedy bastards that run those companies. I remember one time my friend bought a share straight from a broker, the CEO happened to be right there, the money that my friend gave up suddenly left his hand and magically flew into the CEO's pocket. I really saw this happen for real!

So remember kids don't invest in the stockmarket, use that money to buy your kids some god damn proper clothing. I am sick of seeing all them kids with skulls and crosses on their t-shirts. 

Don't even put that money in the bank! Cause they be stealing from you too. What i reccomend is take your cash and put it in the most safest place: under your matress. I been using this method since I was born and I never had any promblems. 

(don't say anything about the picture, I don't support the banks or CEOs, or any of them companies, SO I DO WHAT I WANT)

Keeping it real with Ol Man Jenkinz: Wearing Belts

(DO NOT EVER DRESS LIKE THIS KIDS)

Hello again internet fanatics, yesterday as I was surfing through my channels I came across a very peculiar sight. It was a couple of young african-american men whose pants were sagging below their behinds. At first I thought "oh my what unfortunate children, they cannot even afford a belt to properly wear their pants". But as i kept surfing I saw a similar sight once again, this time it was on an MTV (worst channel of all time) music video. At this point I got curious and decided to turn on my pentiac II and start browsing the intarnets. I came across many pictures of young men wearing their pants like this (shown above). NOW WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU WANT TO WEAR YOUR PANTS THAT LOW? Now back in my day, we never used to wear shorts as long sleeve pants.  I am outraged that these ragamuffins now a day keep their pants to purposely show off their undergarments. These kids spend half the time lifting up their pants as they walk down the street. Not only does this make them look poor but it also shows how stupid they are. 

I propose that the Canadian and American Government bring up a legislation so that kids are taught how to dress properly, this should be done at schools.  

Back in my day everyone actually spent time dressing themselves and getting cleaned up before they went outside. On the left is a perfectly dressed man. I remember having to wake up and being happy about taking a nice long shower followed by a nice 10 minute long combing session. After that I would go to my closet and choose a freshly ironed plaid shirt making sure to button it all the way to the top. Next I would go to my dresser and pick out some pants, then put a belt on. Finally I would grab some socks, shine my shoes and put them on. Voila the perfect ensemble. When I stepped outside my house everyone automatically saw how handsome I was, and I would get a minimum of 20 compliments a day. 

Anyways I think its about time I head to sleep, have to wake up early to feed the pigeons downtown. 

Keeping it real with Ol Man Jenkinz: Fauxhawks

Hello my young parsons it is I, Old man Jenkinz, or as the younglings like to call me Ol man Jenkinz. In my first column I will talk about all the new doodads in todays society. Today I will bring up Fauxhawks, now what kind of haircut is that!? For those of you who don't know fauxhawks look like: 

Now i'm confused as to why any of you hipsters would want to look like a rooster or any other bird. I for one will never get 

any haircut even remotely resembling this. If i wanted to look like a freak i'd walk down to the local costume shop and pick out something. 

Back in my day we had real haircuts, things like the bowl cut, a simple taper, the caesar, or the ultra popular businessman cut. Now those were the style, when you walked down the street everyone knew that you were a man and not some freak whose brain got replaced with that of a roosters. 

Enough with my ranting I think I am going to go and watch the history channel.