Stocks

So today i am gona talk to you about stocks, well not really. So now that Obama is in power the economy is slowly gona get better and from that you can feel confident and gamble away your house, all your life savings and your firstborn child into the stock market just to make a killing. Here are some tips for a 3% chance of successdom. 

1) Get 20k, this can be done by stealing, borrowing from the Mafia (highly reccomended), asking your parents, getting a loan from the goverment for "school", mugging an old lady (cause they always carry huge wads of cash on them due to their lack of belief in the banking system. 

2) Call up some stock broker, if you wana be cheap go online and look for trading sites, if you don't have a brain call up some dude on wallstreet to do all the thinking for you

3) Pick some companies to invest in, I suggest: Enron, WorldCom, AIG, trust me they still exist you just have to look hard enough, they sell for ultra low so by investing in them you will make a killing guaranteed (cough). 

4) Sell your stocks the moment they gain atleast a dollar in value

5) repeat steps 3-4 multiple times

6) ??????

7) Profit and or insta bum, if you make a killing you will be seen as the next prodigy (only if you are between 10-30) otherwise you will be seen as some generic rich guy no one likes. With this new found fame you can do whatever you want and get on the road to dictatorship, err....to achieving your dreams like going to mars and beating down some aliens. If you don't make it big you will simply lose all your money along with your wife and kids and end up becoming a bum. 

So yeah gather all your cash and buy online or call up some brokers and start investing now, because you will never get rich unless you take a risk. 

I'm gona throw the word stocks in here like 20 more times to try and convince you to invest. 

This is what stocks do: 

Stocks make you rich
stocks make you happy
stocks get you hoes
stocks get you cars
stocks get you cash

stocks get you stocks

stocks get you dividends (not like any normal person cares about these)

stocks get you mad

stocks make you beat your wife
stocks are the reason you got a divorce
stocks are the reasons your parents hate you

stocks are the reason you might be checking this blog

stocks are the key to your future

and finally stocks are the reason the corporate world exists.